he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
