I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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