its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Your shirt... Was in my pants
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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