He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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