I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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