I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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