Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
