You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
