My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
