This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
