If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
