Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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