Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
