Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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