goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I am spending my child support on dildos
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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