somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
