At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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