I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
