If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
