My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My ass is underappreciated
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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