Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
