if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
