I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
