So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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