from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
