P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
