how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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