then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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