Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
