whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
