She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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