I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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