i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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