i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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