But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
