my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
