I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
