Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize