It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
