2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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