Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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