honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
