she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
