bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
