so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
