Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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