I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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