you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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