what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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