she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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