Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
