Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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