i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
