so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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