dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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