If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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