His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
