My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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