I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
