i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
