No period for spring break; use this wisely.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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