Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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