your room smells of hookers.
And success
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
