i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
