She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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