apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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