So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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