I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
