final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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